Trying not to love you
by Silverlionessdreamer
Summary: One shot. Based on Nickelback's song Trying not to love you. Draco Malfoy is standing at the doorstep of Grimmauld Place 12 and as the weeks progress he starts to behave rather odd towards Hermione. Told from Harry point of view.


_**I know it has been a while since I uploaded anything, but I have been very busy with school; it is my last year and I have had a major writersblock. So ... I hope you enjoy!**_

**Trying not to love you**

'It was a week after the death of Dumbledore when he showed up at Grimmauld Place 12. None of us knew how he could even see the building, let alone know it harboured the core of the resistance against Voldemort, the Order of the Phoenix. He was dragged in and locked up. No one knew what to do, or how to react. We had a Death Eater in the house; a 17 year old Death Eater we believed played a crucial part in the murder of Dumbledore. Of my two best friends Ron Weasley was the weariest, he never believed Draco Malfoy would suddenly want to join us against the side of the war he was, according to the mark of his arm, still on. I was still to reach the age of 17 and therefore easy to find were I to defend myself, it could be a trap, as my best friend Hermione Granger said. I knew they were both right, but the young Malfoy, who was probably the chosen one of the wrong side, seemed so genuine we decided we'd keep him around until we had a veritaserum to question him.

In the meantime we kept him busy with chores so he had little time to figure out a way to betray us. My house-elf Kreacher was forced to keep a close eye on him. He had a liking for our captive, but being my possession he could do little but follow my orders. Draco Malfoy was still the same spoilt boy we knew at school, but with a lot of protesting he did our bidding, while Hermione brew a veritaserum that would even make the Dark Lord spill his deepest and darkest secrets if we asked for them. There was not a chance of failing now. Our plans to find the missing horecruxes were kept away from Malfoy, and Kreacher kept him busy with cleaning the house: muggle way, for a wand would be far too dangerous.

There was however one particularity; Even though Malfoy hated the chores, and complained full mouthed to me and Ron, he never even once went against Hermione. It wasn't until one night when Ron was complaining about Malfoy's foul mouth - even though the words I heard coming from Draco's mouth couldn't even begin to rival Ron's – when she told us he was kind to her. With Hermione being a muggleborn, the sworn enemies of the Malfoys, this was an utmost peculiar situation. When we put it to the test it turned out that Draco really would do anything for her without a single complaint. And while Hermione glowed from the awkward display of his strange affection, Ron was glowing with annoyance.'

**You call to me and; I fall at your feet.  
How could anyone ask for more?**

'When finally the Veritaserum was finished we questioned him. We commenced with the small things: his name, date of birth; things that would tell us this was really Draco Malfoy in front of us. Then the real questioning began. We were all surprised to find that he really had left the dark side to join us. Severus Snape had convinced him to "follow his heart, and make happen what he'd dreamt of, instead of simply following his father." He had run away from his childhood home and found us due to the fact that he was partly a Black – his mother being Narcissa Malfoy née Black – and his godfather was once a member of the order. He was keeping something back, but no matter how we asked, he never really told us the underlying reason for his change of heart.

So our worries had been in vain, and Hermione and I really started to trust him. Ron wasn't yet ready to accept that he was now really on our side, and therefore we didn't let him in on the plans yet. But, one day we had to leave to get the first horecrux, and we left Draco in the safe house. It took us three days to get back due to the fact that we were being chased by a Death Eater who had apparated along. We couldn't compromise Grimmauld place.

When we returned Draco was nowhere to be seen. Kreacher told me he'd retreated to his room after a few hours and hadn't come out. He'd apparently incessantly been muttering things. He was ecstatic when he found out we had returned and didn't return to bed until the last had gone. Ron and I thought nothing of it, until his intentions unfolded more.'

**And our time apart; like knives in my heart.  
How could anyone ask for more?**

'A few days after we came back, Hermione approached me, looking very grave. I immediately thought that someone had died, but she only came to tell me that Malfoy was scaring the hell out of her. So, being a good friend, I asked her what was going on, exactly. Surprisingly, this freaked her out even more. I started rambling about him being not that scary, but if he did something that was making her feel uncomfortable, she should just hex him, and so on. She shook her head and said that it was not that. It was as if he was over-caring for her, and she had no idea why.

I decided that I was going to pay extra attention to Malfoy, and his behaviour, especially towards her. And she had been right. She only had to wink and he was already by her side. When I approached him with the issue, he stated that he had to make up for his past, and that he was trying, very hard. He had hurt Hermione the worst, and it was her he needed to make up to. His behaviour and taunting certainly made her life hell, he realised that now. So maybe his behaviour and caring now could undo what they had caused before.'

**But if there's a pill to help me forget,  
God knows I haven't found it yet.  
But I'm dying to,  
God, I'm trying to.**

'Weeks passed without anything happening. Ron could do little else than listing to that radio of his, listing all the witches and wizards that had passed away. He grew only more depressed by wearing that bloody amulet Voldemort had decided to put a piece of his soul in. Hermione would play the piano, trying to cheer us up. Draco would be around, but no one really noticed what he did. Mostly he was just reading some old book somewhere in the corner. I would try to think of places where the next horecrux could be. Or a way to destroy the one we had in our possession.

It was during one of those days we had really nothing to do, that I was approached by Draco. Ron and Hermione were in the kitchen bickering over something that involved food. He said that he wanted to confide something in me, and that he really didn't want Hermione or Ron to know, yet. I was horrible curious as he took his time to sit down and awaited my answer. Of course I told would never tell them, unless he wanted me to. He seemed to trust me and carefully confessed. He told me the underlying reason for all the things he had done to get here and gain our trust. It was a reason I would have never guessed, but now I knew it, it was obvious.

For years he had been watching her, the forbidden fruit. He had been surprised, just like anybody else if they knew, that he had somehow developed an attraction towards one Hermione Granger. '

**Trying not to love you,  
only goes so far.  
And trying not to need you,  
is tearing me apart.  
Can't see the silver lining,  
from down here on the floor.  
and I just keep on trying  
But I don't know what for.  
'Cause trying not to love you,  
only make me love you more.**

'Before, I would not have hesitated to tell Ron and Hermione what had been on his mind, but now that I knew Malfoy's secret, I couldn't. This was different from all the things I'd expected. So I kept my mouth shut and watched things go back to their rhythm with a different view. I now saw more in Draco, his underlying pain in knowing he had little chance to ever get together with the girl of his dreams, the way I knew Ginny would await me after the war, were we both to live through it. It was pure torture watching Hermione and Ron, expected to fall in love, go about for Draco. Society would never accept the golden girl dating an ex-deatheater, and I had to admit, I myself preferred Ron above Draco too.

Seeing it would be better that way, I went over to Malfoy after Ron and Hermione had gone to bed. I told him what I'd figured, saying that he could better let her go. He was after all an ex-deatheater, and she the golden girl, the brains of the chosen one. They weren't to be. A sad look appeared on Draco's face as he told me that if he'd been logical in his feelings about her he would have stayed on the dark side. He'd waited for the feelings to go away, but time only tormented him more. He couldn't have stayed on the other side, for his thoughts were clouded with her, and no occlumence could keep them from coming. They would kill him for having feelings he had absolutely no control over. There was no way he could let her go, for somehow she had become a part of him, and he couldn't do anything about it.'

**And this kind of pain; only time takes away,  
that's why it's harder to let you go.  
Nothing I can do; without thinking of you,  
That's is why it's harder to let you go.**

'I tried more times to make him see reason, but every time I got the same answer: he couldn't stop loving her. Finally, I gave up. I just watched him dance around her, she oblivious to his intentions. From what I could tell, she wasn't really warming-up to him, despite his countless efforts. But that didn't stop him. Not that he was trying harder, or making his intention more obvious, he just kept answering her calls with enthusiasm and optimism.

A couple of weeks later, we were desperate. We had nothing, but one horcrux, which we couldn't even destroy. It was then, that I called the others together to discuss the option of letting Malfoy in on the secret. Because I saw him try so hard for Hermione, I felt like I could trust him. It was that and the fact that he started to be polite to me and Ron that got me convinced. I tried to persuade Hermione and Ron with the facts that Malfoy could have information from the other side. It was the only thing we hadn't tried yet. It took me some time, but in the end I convinced them.

And I was right, well sort of. Malfoy knew that there was something very valuable in his aunt's vault. For days we watched Gringrotts, trying to figure out how to get in. We knew it was near to impossible to go in without a goblin by our side. And unfortunately, we didn't have one. But patience is a virtue, because a week after we started to observe the Gringrotts, Bellatrix had emptied her vault, to transfer everything to the Manor. Later we found out that it was what Voldemort wanted; he wanted to keep the horecrux safe. It was then and there that we decided we would pay a visit to the Manor.

Getting in and out the Manor was only possible through the front gate, or whenever you were a Malfoy. Luckily, we did have one. Once inside the Manor, Malfoy quickly guided us towards the secret chamber under the drawing-room floor. To be honest, my eyes almost fell out of my sockets when we arrived there; there was a lot of gold and jewels in one corner, definitely some Dark Magic objects in the other, I just didn't want stand close to and some books scattered around the room. From the corner of my eye I could see Hermione looking slightly hurt.

It didn't take us long to find the cup of Helga Hufflepuff, and the sword of Godric Gryffindor. But just at the time that we wanted to get out of that chamber, Narcissa Malfoy walked in, and I could see Malfoy become rigid at the very spot. For a second no one said a word, and Malfoy took a step towards his mother and pleaded to her. He said mum, he arm extended towards her. For a second I saw a loving look in her eyes, but it went away as fast as it came, and Mrs. Malfoy cried for help. Hermione had her stunned in seconds, but we could already hear footsteps above us. I called out for Kreacher, knowing that he could get us out of here. Ron and I were gone, back to Grimmauld Place, when I discovered that Hermione and Malfoy hadn't apparated along. I ordered Kreacher to go back. When he arrived in my house again, Malfoy sat frozen, staring ahead into the distance, Hermione holding him tightly.

**But if there's a pill to help me forget,  
God knows I haven't found it yet.  
But I'm dying to,  
God, I'm trying to.**

Right after we got back, Hermione came with the idea that anything goblin made would only take up that what makes it stronger, such a basilisk's venom. We finally found a way to destroy the horecruxes and did so. Thank Merlin those blasted things were gone, and everything seemed to be happier, and somewhat lighter. We could laugh and for a little at the time not think about the war. Except for Draco.

After that whole episode in the Manor, Draco wouldn't eat for days. He just lay on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and occasionally I would see him cry. A few days later Hermione approached me, saying that she was worried about him. She told me that she felt different about him, she didn't think so badly of him anymore. He had proven to be kind and gentle, and she had actually forgiven him. She said that she felt sorry for him, and the way his mother betrayed him. I didn't know what to say. That evening when I went to check upon him, I saw her sitting next to his bed, holding his hand, when he wasn't reacting. It hurt me seeing them like that.

The next day I approached Hermione, telling her that she could tell me anything. She seemed hesitant at first, but after a few subtle and unsubtle insinuations she started to talk. She didn't know how, but she started to care for him, more than just on a friendly basis. She told me that she thought she loved him.

**Trying not to love you,  
only goes so far.  
And trying not to need you,  
is tearing me apart.  
Can't see the silver lining,  
from down here on the floor.  
and I just keep on trying  
But I don't know what for.  
'Cause trying not to love you,  
only make me love you more.**

'She knew that they could never be together, but she felt obliged to help him. Slowly, but steadily he began to recover. She refused to leave his room until he ate. She would talk to him for hours without a single reply, but she wouldn't stop until she got one. Draco began to trust her and I and Ron knew better than to interfere. We let them be, hoping both would become better. Though, it is not about me I knew both their secrets and I had sworn not to tell, which made me feel helpless. To watch two people in love without them realising it, is devastating. When I talk about it with both of them separately they kept saying that it was best that the other didn't know.

It was actually the first day that he came down stairs to eat that we received intelligence about a commencing battle at Hogwarts. Of course we all went immediately. We arrived and a few hours later the second wizarding battle began. I will not talk about what we lost; only what we gained that day. I remember well the feeling of seeing the exhausted but excited faces of everyone that it was over. But there were two faces in the crowd that didn't seem so happy. I noticed Draco sneak away and told Hermione so. Of course, Gryffindor as I am, I followed her discretely until she found Malfoy, sitting outside in the rain.'

**So I sit here divided,  
just talkin' to myself.  
Was it something I did,  
was there somebody else?  
**

'I watched as Hermione slowly approached him and sitting down next to him. I spoke to her earlier and she had made a remark about the fact that she thought he was in love, just no with her. In the shadows I watched as they said next to each other, saying nothing, both completely ignorant to the truth. I mean, Ginny came to stand next to me and she saw it in the blink of an eye. Anyway, I always guessed that it would be Hermione to start talking, her Gryffindor courage is certainly something.'

**When a voice from behind me,  
that was fighting back tears,  
sat right down beside me,  
whispered right in my ear.  
Said I've being dying to tell you.  
**

'I knew that the moment she started talking everything would come out and I could see what she was saying at Draco's body language. It probably started at the first year of Hogwarts because she was talking a lot. And Draco didn't look all too happy. But at the moment when she arrived at her feelings something changed. She became hesitant and he noticed. Finally she just blurted it out.'

**That trying not to love you,  
only went so far.  
And trying not to need you,  
was tearing me apart.**

'To say that Draco was surprised would have been the understatement of the year. But the moment his obnoxiously large smile seemed plastered on his face, I knew that they would find a way to make things work. He gave her his hand and so they sat for a long time, just like a happy ending.'

**Now I can see the silver lining,  
and what we are fighting for.  
If we just keep on trying,  
we could be much more.  
'Cause trying not to love you,  
ya, trying not to love you,  
only make me love you more.**

'To say that everything has been easy for them would be the same as telling a lie. But they tried to make it work and that, ladies and gentlemen is the reason why we are here today on this joyful day. I have been honoured to stand next to one of my oldest friend and a new friend as they were ready for the next step. I say let's raise our glass to Draco and Hermione. To the new Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy.'

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